Journeying Toward Wholeness

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Coping with Holiday Stress, 2: Concrete Steps to A Better Holiday

December 17th, 2018 · No Comments · coping with holiday stress

Our last post explored coping with holiday stress, and expectations.  This post explores practical steps for alleviating holiday stress.

coping with holiday stress

Let’s look at things pragmatically, but also from the perspective of viewing the holiday period and coping with holiday stress as an important part of our journey towards wholeness.  From this vantage point, what can we do that would assist in coping with holiday stress?

Acknowledging That the Holidays Do Create Stress

As we discussed in the previous post, it’s important for us to simply acknowledge that, for many of us, the holidays are an extremely stressful period!  Many of us face stresses during the holidays around time, money, meeting the expectations of others, family stresses and wounds — and a host of other possible factors.

We need to be up front with ourselves and acknowledge that our holiday experience is often far from perfection.  We may find much of value in the holidays, but we need to accept the places where they can make excessive or unacceptable demands upon us.

Denial: Not a Great Way of Coping with Holiday Stress

With the holidays, we can be tempted to tell ourselves that there’s nothing wrong, and that everything is just going wonderfully. Part of us may really want to channel our inner Will Ferrell or White Christmas Bing Crosby and just believe we can have a blissful stress- and fault-free Holiday Season.

This approach can end up amplifying holiday stress.  We need a more down-to-earth method of coping with holiday stress.

Accept the Demanding Parts of the Holiday Season

Acknowledging the good parts of the holidays is important, but equally important is acknowledging the difficult parts– and the parts of ourselves that have trouble with the holidays.

Here are a few key practical suggestions on how to cope with and accept all the parts of the holidays, including those that may provoke stress in us.

a)  Keep your expectations realistic.  Not everything about the holidays is going to be perfect. It’s essential to be compassionate to ourselves, recognizing that we can’t use magic to get a perfect Burl Ives “Holly Jolly Christmas”.  No one gets to have “perfect”.  Be kind to you, and enjoy the good things that really are there in the holidays,

b)    Don’t over-commit.  Getting over-tired and taking on too much leads to the opposite of a warm holiday — it can feed depression and anxiety.  Limit yourself to reasonable and enjoyable commitments.  Get others to help with tasks, if you need them

c)   Don’t overspend.  This can be a major contributor to post-holiday blues.  It’s wise to set a realistic budget, and stick to it.

d)  Don’t try to do everything at the last minute.  Thinking about your holiday plans, and getting them in place in advance can certainly save a great deal of holiday stress.

e)  Learn to Say NO!  This word may seem to have nothing to do with the “Christmas spirit”!  Yet, it has everything to do with self-acceptance, self-compassion and maintaining healthy boundaries that reduce stress.  Other people may have lots of ideas of how you should spend your time on the holidays.  Some might be very appealing.  But, ultimately, as with many things in life, it’s important to ask yourself, what do I really want?

f)   Accept people and situations for what they are.  Christmas can be difficult for many people, because they have to encounter people, often family members, with whom there is conflict, a possible history of trauma, or who are dealing with addictions, mental illness or other major problems.  It can help to try to set aside differences, where that’s possible.  In some cases, as when there has been abuse, that simply is not possible.  Then it’s essential to avoid contact by whatever means possible.

g)  Above all, acknowledge your feelings.  If you have experienced loss, separation or grief, it’s essential to recognize those feelings.  If the Holiday season is associated with bad memories, as it can be for a significant number of people, it’s important to acknowledge that, and work on good ways to take care of yourself in this season.  Whatever, you feel, it’s important to acknowledge it, not fight it.

Talking to a skilled depth psychotherapist to explore the individual value and meaning of the holiday season, and how it forms part of our journey to wholeness, can be of genuine benefit.

Brian  Collinson, Registered Psychotherapist & Jungian Psychoanalyst

PHOTOS: Jim, the Photographer (Creative Commons Licence)
© 2018 Brian Collinson, 2238 Constance Drive Oakville, Ontario (near Mississauga)

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